People typically laugh when I describe myself as an introvert. I'm outgoing. I enjoy meeting and having conversations with people, and I'm not shy about speaking up when I have something to contribute. My personality doesn't generally fit the mold of what is commonly considered introversion.
But introversion isn't solely characterized by shy, quiet, or socially awkward behavior. It's also characterized by traits like thoughtfulness and a focus on internal feelings. Introverts are most comfortable interacting one-on-one or in small groups and are energized by spending time alone. (source: https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-you-are-an-introvert.html) This chart from simplypsychology.org of signs of introversion is essentially a map of my personality.
As a new business owner and part of a growing, dynamic new firm, success relies on meeting and connecting with new people and building relationships, aka networking. While I enjoy connecting with people, as an introvert, networking events carry many negative connotations. For me, it brings to mind the years I've spent doing endless speed rounds of small talk and industry speak. I've also found that networking for many has a seedy undercurrent of reducing interactions to individual utility - "What can YOU do for ME?" - which truly grates against my introverted nature of seeking meaningful relationships.
Of course, that's not necessarily the reality. But I have to admit that even though I've been doing it for my entire career, to this day, anytime someone describes a gathering as a "good networking event," my first instinct is to grit my teeth and check the agenda to see how long I can get away with hiding in the bathroom. Add to that the race, gender, wealth, and power dynamics I have to navigate in many networking spaces, and the mere idea is simply exhausting. The older I get, the less enthused I am about doing it. However, as much as I lack enthusiasm, I still understand and appreciate the social capital foundational to community-building, and networking plays a part.
I've been working on reframing the concept of networking to something positive and creating environments that don't conflict with my introverted personality and completely drain my social battery. Here are some things that have worked so far:
Making Someone's Day
Instead of thinking of networking as an obligation of entrepreneurship, I try to view it as a way to make someone's day, but not in a Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry or self-centered "it's an honor to meet me" way. It's an opportunity to give someone a chance to share something they're passionate about, listen to them vent, or give them an inspiring tidbit that motivates them, or for me to do the same.
Setting Goals
Instead of just showing up, I ask myself, "Why am I going, and what is the outcome I'm looking for?" and get as specific as possible with answering those questions. I don't always set business goals, either. Sometimes, my goals are purely connection goals. For example, if it's an event where I'm less likely to know many people, I might set a goal to find someone else who looks a bit lost and introduce myself to them. It helps me to focus on being present when I have a reason to be present.
Taking Breaks
When the noise and the small talk are too much, I find a quiet spot for a somatic check-in. Yes, that's sometimes the bathroom. But those quiet moments work wonders in helping me re-engage.
Stop & Redirect Small Talk
I'm trying to stop setting myself up for small talk by getting creative with my introductions. Instead of "What do you do?" or "Are you from the area?" I ask, "What's been keeping you busy lately?" and "How are you connected to this community?". I've also been intentional about not introducing myself by what I do but by something more personal, like my husband and I have rescue furbabies or that I've lived the vast majority of my life pretty close to where I grew up. These icebreakers often encourage people actually to think about their responses, and I find they create a sense of immediate connection and relatability beyond small talk. Bonus: I actually WANT to know!
Accelerate Separate 1:1 Conversations
When meeting someone, after introductions and breaking the ice, I offer to continue the conversation in a future call or beverage break instead of trying to connect in an environment filled with distractions. Thanks to digital QR codes, I can easily exchange information and schedule the meeting on the spot. This approach has been an enormous time and energy saver.
Recharge Time
I'm being more intentional and protective of my time, especially when replenishing my social energy. Scheduling time alone to recharge is now part of my planning when scheduling events.
I'll never be the last to leave a networking event, but these tricks have helped me better enjoy them. I can lean into my introversion and successfully network for the business. Plus, getting out and meeting people gives me a reason to explore my closet for clothes other than yoga pants.
To all my fellow introvert entrepreneurs, I see you. I know the struggle is real. Let's meet near the bathrooms at the next networking event and quietly take deep breaths together.
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